Do you ever wake up to realize that your life is meaningless? Does it give you strength or lead you to your grave at a young age? It seems that when I ran away my from my past all my dignity, my faith, my pride got left back. And now I think it’s time that I realize self pity’s meaningless. Though I’m ten feet deep I’ll claw my way back out from in my grave.
Now I realize, I’d give anything I have to walk a day in my old shoes. Wondering what my first smoke will be like, my first fuck, my next fuck-up, or the next band that would change my life. And it changed my life.
I know it’s not easy being friends with me. I’m vicious and I’m boisterous in all the wrong ways, I’m sure you’d agree. I’ve been trying to make some changes to my manners, in what matters most to me. I keep failing, but I’ll keep trying, ‘cause one day I know you’ll see: That I know it’s not easy, but you keep trying to be friends with me.
And on the last day of Spring, we’ll talk about everything, and laugh at how we thought we grew apart. Summer love will come around, and try to drag us down, and I’ll admit I’m not sure how I got this weak.
Writing an acoustic song…
I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up again.
I am on the mend
At least now I can say that I am trying
And I hope you will forgive
Things I still lack…
Yeah.
The fact I was born to a day and age where a man is arrested for carrying a sword on his belt is just… Well, it’s frustrating.
Now and then I think of when we were together. Like when you said you felt so happy you could die. Told myself that you were right for me. But felt so lonely in your company. But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness. Like resignation to the end. Always the end. So when we found that we could not make sense, well I said that we would still be friends. But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over.
But I didn’t have to cut you off. Make out like it never happened and that we meant nothing. And you don’t even need my love, but I treat you like a stranger, and it feels so rough.
I didn’t have to stoop so low. Have my friends collect my records and then change my number. I guess that you don’t need that though. Now I’m just somebody that you used to know.
Now and then you think of all the times I screwed you over. But had you believing that it was always something that you’d done. And you don’t want to live that way. Reading into every word I say. I said that I could let it go, and you wouldn’t catch me hung up on somebody that I used to know.
But I didn’t have to cut you off. Make out like it never happened and that we meant nothing. And you don’t even need my love, but I treat you like a stranger, and it feels so rough.
I didn’t have to stoop so low. Have my friends collect my records and then change my number. I guess that you don’t need that though. Now I’m just somebody that you used to know. Somebody I used to know. I used to know.
Crying all morning. The tears trying to remind that I’m human, that I’m alive, that my heart refuses to quit beating despite my currently pressing and present wishes that it would cease.
As the salt water streams down my face and the snot and spit drip out of my nose and mouth with every sobbing gasp for air, I can’t help thinking I probably deserve this. As I moan and shake and claw at the sheets of my bed, I can’t help feeling like maybe I’m just restoring some balance to the universe.
Karma is finally here, and she’s grinning from ear to ear, with a baseball bat in her hands and her eyes on my pearly whites. And at this point, I just lay back and take it. This isn’t Hell. This isn’t torture. This is release. This is salvation. Each brutal swing that sends me reeling is another startling realization that I’ve become the villain in my own fictionalized version of my life.
So here’s to this mouth of brilliant broken teeth, that only I can see. Here’s to the blood only I can taste. Here’s to the hundred thousand words I should’ve said. Here’s to the apologies I don’t think you’ll accept.
I’m sorry for everything. I hope like Hell you’re happy where you are.
You know that old saying, “You always hurt the ones you love?” Well, it goes both ways.
“So are you legitimately moving on, or is this just you being insane?”
I’ll let you know, okay?
I’ll never have to buy adjacent plots of earth.
We’ll never have to rot together underneath dirt.
I’ll never have to lose my baby in the crowd.
I should be laughing right now.
